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From: JEna
Date: 02 Oct 2000
Time: 11:01:50
Remote Name: mango.arctic.net
Look, see, hear what I am not going to write because it is a waste of injury.
I hardly EVER see something in a stranger that I find compatible with due to the disrespect they give me based on silly kindergarten "slaughter." In order for me to survive in this crazy world I have had to adapt to the ways of the able-bodied; non-visible disabilities. I am extremely senstive due to mass of press after accident, about 10 front page section feature on me, some with color photo. I appreciate basic stereotypes because it allows me to pursue my dreams the untouchables have set regardless.
Many times I think I have esp or somethin' but on the other hand its good judegment of facial expressions and eye glossiness. Ppl are fearful of dis., but also of beauty, money, independence, intelligence (not smarts), wit, and bravery. Too much of one can not speak the same for the other if to much is had/have.
Disability does not make sense unless seen by a census report or market research of somekind, or survey of some sort.
Also getting a job, holding the job, and making jolly with all the others around me in the office has been tough..regardless of disability or not, one must keep peace with the interims, and I for one would rather not keep peace on a superficial basis.
Some things are the way they are because noone can help them or it to go away, for example making polite conversation, babysitting the masses, and keeping tolerance and patience in check when I get angry. Therefore if I am judged for more than a potential friend than I am unhappy at the meaning of culture especially a fragile one such as disability culture.
Until I am give due respect in a job worthy of my talents and my ideas, as well as proper treatment under fair housing and ADA I will not give-up 'pounding' the pavement for a better life Dara.
Plus more writing on same day of Oct2,00: Dear HITSmaker,
I am Jena Coughlan, actually its spelt coghlan; now an actress with this name and another with my first name.
well, I am here to add to the fun. I am Jena and I do not give up. And I hope you dont either. I mean the glossy, big big thick mag called hits, a weekly no doubt. I am a big fan, thou have not seen it since leaving citadel comm. in december 99 on the music directors desk. A die-hard self centered mormon on the afternoon lunch could care less that I jena wrote once for hits, completely and utterly carefree regarding other ppls business.
I really want to write for you. I mean I have alot of history going for me. And I want to ramble on and on. Perhaps it will be cathartic for me.
I met a very VIP outside the cure radio promotion at the pub in sm, ca back in 95. I got 3 assignments out of the encounter and 2 free meals and about 15 discs, plus some mags. Plus 100 bucks for writing the interviews: eels or ie e, schleprock's surburbia, and australia woman ... um, it didn't get published because I was frigid and said sew in the article. but cool chick, mouth is the single...ah merril bainbridge.
ok sew i was upset and smokin dope, and freaking on e of the eels and got a few dates out of that matter, and a few free meals, and some kind of necklace-- I'm not sure if it was a real necklace, and declined the tv bbc film shot with him due to major lawsuit involving a personal injury matter, do u know spence, moriarity, schuster and ulmer? Regretted that and got to be an extra in rags to riches with girlfriend and her friend, remember if you show-up too much by yourself it looks like you don't have friends and that hurts the reality of love.
well, got splashed up and down the daily newspaper in my home city and basically never been the same since, and STILL em waiting for that dang lawsuit thing to go through, made it to the supreme court.
I hate ppl who do not call me back, however due to such luck in life i do not hesitate to make the first and its worked well for me. no, don't know why i care so much for hits except this vip paid me great attention that day outside in sm. I had been trying to negotioate my way into the ent. biz and the closet i came was kcrw.org. basically i hate my life and listen to music for the only peace i can find, since i am a writer and teacher, music makes nothing but since to me when low.
its also a numbers game, and i prefer numbers when angry.
I listen to talk radio a lot. I do not live in LA anymore; was defeated by the bigness of ucla, and lost my 4-year career for newmobility magazine at the time with miramar comm. Did quite well at smc the community college and newmobility.com magazine, also a glossy and only published monthly, but won an ozzie, as well much prestige for having the lowest ads per book. go figure.
I need to add that roy trakin and i talk about twice every three months, on the average, since 96. I do believe he thinks I am cute chick, but I feel that he needs to call me more often because i want to do business in music after I get my teaching certificate and teach in middle schools a while. why not, music is pretty gimpy these days.
And I am passionate but do believe in craziness because i think that anyone who walked for 17 years and then thrusted into a wheelchair, alcohol related, deserves to see the world as it is and for what it all is today, tomorrow and yesterday.
Basically I hate my life, though have extreme ppl skills and writing skills, thou do not practice fiction writing at all, well hardly at all. should but don't have the motivation or determination yet. do u??
i like message boards and i want you to get a message board online for me, and only me, at hitmakers, i promise i will keep it good and friendly if and only if you guys start speaking an agenda to these wannabe fan writers that keep calling after all these years.
Look, see we all face discrimination of some kind, however, prejudice is different, very different, and frankly being a so called redneck I'd appreciate it if i could make a difference without selling my soul to win the right to be apart of popular culture, because I wish that I knew the answer to all the qualms into the land of bliss, however do not believe that I can anwers questions about nothing if never given anything in return. so why bother you if I believe that all i am is a door matt for men and woman of the able-bodied nature to suck off of i certainly try to contribute but for some unknown reason they do not except accept to make judgements and critique on my encounters and shopping binges. I get very angry and now-a-days with esp. shining through like a fat-cat, no one is a better judge than the one and only person Sulla could call a brother, and that is dave adelson.
Look we all have fantasties, but they do not friction to cause when ppl like myself live the life I live; constant advocacy to get from one side of the parking lot to the other side, which may seem unreasonable given I have good luck and almost always find what I am lookin' for inside and out of my own personal space. Otherwise I accept judgement day and move no further to endorse the matters at hand as I am not rich enough yet, and perhaps will go no further than chicago or EVER utter a voice beyond this stupid passionate, idiotic buzz words like wheelchair gimps, and crip, and dream and works, since I don't work well in office politic situations. However ran into numerous politicians who want me, and music reps who enjoy me, and publishers who coddle me, and woman who dislike me out of ignorance and shear fear.
Translation: Makes me hard and understandably deniable to the true comfort of just going to work every day and spending time to make other feel better if not involved in the matter of information. I've been forced, yelled at, and lied at; end result is the golden rule: an eye for an eye.
Let's do the wild thing and offer free magnets or pens for non-hit customers, because as of yet I do not own crap beyond my mediocre and blaze/mainstream music collection and a bunch of the above rants and buttons to push and pull to unnerve the distaste that I leave in almost everybody's mouth when done calling it like it is: Napster's here to take over.
The younger generation imperalizes the music industry without realized the effect of isolating others who can not afford peace of mind. And big mouth bitches get nothing but underrated heat that melts quickly when fired up, because afterall if woman are sew great why are we not allowed to be insane?
Hasta la vista bonita, again my name Is JEna, and don't call me a cat because I have added something to this world and that is free speech till it hurts so bad I've got no position left caring about, that's why I am willing to risk everything because its already been taken away, and obvioulsy out of something, something else can be made, I for one would like to work you all, and actually get paid with health benefits.
Jena-state of alaska; till sometime later I will expect nothing because therefore its not my fault if nothing happens, because I never said it would, I only asked. As far as personality, well only the mainstream live in the super world, one that's been created under all the pretense and pathetic tragedy and humor portrayed with-in couch potato la-la-land.
faith hill, operatica, moby, ewf, live from the red carpet: cma, jack jone's chat, bon jovi, stadium rock, ian anderson, madonna, beck, sisquo, sam cook, suzzanna hoffs, dust brothers and royal grand free magnet give-away.