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From: Matthew
Date: 05 Apr 2002
Time: 05:52:11
Remote Name: c-24-118-180-19.mn.client2.attbi.com
Kristopher, your sarcasm and your derisive illustrations of crip life betray a great deal of feeling around the issue. Do you find that you're getting these pitying, weeping, and condescending reactions from people who had up to that point shown that they cared for you? Could they still care for you as much as before and just be feeling the hurt they see relected in you both demonstrably and subtly.
If your first thought is that people are pitying you, then you may not have completely healed yourself. It would be natural to assume they pity what you see as pitiable.
Please be conscious of the other extreme of placing an incomparable value on your hurtful experience. 'Non'crips sometimes encounter crips who angrily turn away sincerely offered sympathy, comfort, and desires to understand... noncrip could never understand.
Maybe not understand the "hurt" in terms of fathoming the depth and trauma. But no one wants to feel pain; we want to *understand* why you do as you do.
*Understand* the odd turn of phrase, the unreciprocated adjustment of leg position, the gracious thanks for something we didn't need and know wasn't intended to fill a *need* but a *want*, and all the other individually immaterial ways 'non'crips say "I CARE for YOU. What can I do to make you SMILE the way I LOVE to see you smile?!!"
If open sores were the standard of beauty, you'd have a reason to be coy. They're not; get over yourself. Ask your friends what they like about you, maybe you'll get some ideas for yourself.
Avoid drama by heading off suspense and misunderstanding. Following social conventions isn't herd mentality if you know that flouting them without reason is insecure rebellion.
Just because you see yourself as a crip doesn't mean the rest of the world feels good about an UBERcrip that recognizes no rules or conventions but his immediate whim. "Sucks you were hurt. I hate it, too. Why you gotta be putting hurt on ME now?"
Be honest. If it hurts, say so. Anticipate reactions if possible. If it isn't possible and more hurt results, it is neither persons fault, it's just the original hurt that keeps on giving.
Maybe as a noncrip, I just cant understand, but at least I try and so do many other noncrips. We'd love to help you carry your cross a few steps and we'll always understand if you can't thank us just then. We'll even come back after a few 'thank-you' sticks in the eye.
Just *tell* us that you care when it *does* occur to you.